Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I'm the Big Five American Sports Czar, I'm doing this to make New Teams

Oakland and Tampa, I have decided to spare you.  I might not totally move your big league teams.

The Athletics are playing in the same spot in addition to Portland and Las Vegas.  The re-minted California Angels split games with Sacramento.  The Rangers do at least 25 games in San Marcos.  The Florida Marlins play in Miami again.  And Tampa and Jacksonville, too.
The Rays, they play in Charlotte.  The Southern Rays camp their home games in Louisville, Nashville and a few home-stretches in a quaint little ball yard in New Orleans.

How will it work out?  Your town will have to collectively figure out the facilities.  You know your town better than I do.

The Rams play in Los Angeles.  The West Coast Raiders play in Portland and Las Vegas, four games apiece.   The Jaguars dropped the act and moved to Canada.  They play throughout CFL Provinces as the Norde Force.  Mexico has a team, now that I have decided.  It's in Monterrey and it is the Sur Toros.  They used to be called the Chargers and moved.  Sorry, San Diego.

In Cincinnati, I'm causing an olympic-size ruckus.  I'm opening up the Underground District.  I'm revamping the Gardens.  I'm superplexing Riverfront Colusseum.  Sorry U.S. Bank Arena.  Not in imaginary land you're named not.  I guess I could be a good bloke and just do a big time revamp on the Gardens OR just the old coliseum (instead naming it "Riverfront Colusseum" with a Roman Catholic heritage nod) to save money and host the NHL and NBA in the same place, but I'll create more jobs and blow more money in my imaginary dictatorship.
Going along with my Region Home-Camp theme, I'm swallowing my own pill.  Yes, I'm bringing the NBA, NHL and MLS to Cincinnati.  And it's part-time.

The Cincinnati Gardens

See them beautiful Bearcats uniforms?

The National Hockey League now has the North Coast Lakers.  They play in Cleveland, Milwaukee, Indianapolis and Cinci.  The skeleton of the Florida Panthers was pulled out of Miami, at my order, to help this happen.  And there is more tumbleweed bouncing around Arizona.  Because the West Coast Coyotes take camp in Portland and Seattle with Glendale, while Toronto Dos and Quebec City put more players on ice for expansion.  The newly coined Southern Predators play in Atlanta also.  When in my town, the Lakers play at Riverfront.  An outdoor game will take place at Nippert from time to time.

The Ohio Battle NBA franchise rocks the houses.  Yep, I said houses.  The Cincinnati Gardens and the make-believe-yet-conceived Wright Fieldhouse in Dayton.  The analysis of this choice pans out to be further away from the Cavs turf straddling the lake and to fortify the border with that of the Pacers.   I want more Columbus people driving a jump on I-70 to make a game in Dayton.  While it would be ballsy and provocative to put her in Toledo in order to taunt the Detroit market pistoning down a short I-75 drive, a megalopolis of Columbus through Dayton to Cinci is more crowded.

The West Coast Clippers play in San Diego, Seattle and Vegas.  You're welcome.

The Cincinnati Blue Collars are a new MLS team.  We get down at the Forest Fair Futbol Complex, this time bringing love to the north side of town, seeing as I revamped the Gardens in the heart of town, in addition to our south side riverfront.  Should I call them the Rustbelt Blue Collars and share time with the Toledo/Detroit market?  I have given thought to a new Bengals Jerry Jones'esque temple somewhere near Ohio's riverfront.  Then a world-class facility named Paul Brown Stadium could be utilized for local colleges, NCAA Bowl Games, and most importantly in Cincinnati, high school sports.  That's multi-use to the max.

So, I got mine.  Did you get yours?

See more expansion, co-location and relocation talk for football, baseball, basketball, hockey and soccer on my blog ( see table of contents/archive ):  Major League/Pro Expansion <CLICK> 
And please feel free to contribute your two cents with mine.

No comments:

Post a Comment